I thought about titling this post “We Are All Going To Die”… We can’t change whether or not we are going to die. We all are. Putting off talking about it or planning for it won’t make it not happen, but it could make it more confusing and painful for your loved ones.
Seth Godin has a new post called “How Do You Want to Die?” where he lays out why it is so important to plan ahead. I talk about this all the time with my clients, but it can’t be stated often enough:
Most of that care is designed to prolong life, regardless of the cost, the pain or the impact on the family. A lot of doctors are uncomfortable with this, but they need you to speak up and make a choice (in advance) about what you’d like. Some people want the full treatment, intervention at all costs.
If that’s your choice, go for it. But be clear, in writing, that you’d like to spare no expense and invest in every procedure, even if it’s pointless and painful. Don’t be selfish and let someone else have to guess.
On the other hand, you have the right to speak up and stand up and clearly state if you’d prefer the alternative. Many people prefer a quiet dignity that spares them and their family pain and trauma. But you have to do it now, because later is too late.
Planning for end of life care does not require a trip to an attorney’s office, but if you are seeing an attorney for your wills and other documents, it’s a good time to go over those issues, too. If you want to do it on your own, you can download an advanced directive from the South Shore Hospital website, or ask your doctor for a health care proxy form next time you are there.
Then, you must take the next step of talking to the person you want about what your wishes are for end of life care. Don’t leave it to them to try to guess when the time comes. If the person you have selected doesn’t want to talk about it, choose someone else who will. If they can’t talk about it now, how will they make decisions when you are sick and they are scared and sad?
As Seth says, “Some things are more likely to happen if you plan for them. In this case, the end comes whether you plan for it or not. Planning merely makes it better.”
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