There are a lot of things we know are good for us -eating vegetables, exercising, quitting smoking, getting our financial houses in order – and yet we delay doing them. Then, suddenly, we are ready and we start a walking routine, begin keeping a budget, call our attorney to get our wills done, or finally talk to our doctor about quitting smoking.
There’s not always some specific event that makes us ready to change, sometimes it’s like a switch just flipped in our brain. That’s why I like the “stages of change” theory since it shows how we move from being totally unaware that there are things we need to change, to actually moving through preparation and then on to action.
Pre-contemplation. In this stage, people aren’t aware that they need to change, or aren’t thinking seriously about it. They may become defensive or brush it off if someone suggests changing.
If you are reading this site, you can rest assured that you have passed the pre-contemplation phase with respect to getting your affairs in order for the future. But if you are here because you want a loved one to make some changes and your efforts to convince them that they need to do some planning are going unheard or met with resistance, it may be because they are in the pre-contemplation phase. You can’t drag them out of this phase, but you can continue to provide them with information (in a non-annoying way) and be ready when they are.
Contemplation. When people begin contemplating, they are more open to talking about the issue. You may be in the contemplation phase if you are reading this, or your loved one may have said “ok, find some information and look for any attorney and I’ll think about seeing them.” Their interest may be inconsistent, but at least they are open to thinking and talking about the issues. This stage can last from a few weeks to many years. Indeed, I’ve had people “finally” be ready to move forward with a plan 3 years after they first met with me.
Preparation. In this stage, people have made a commitment to change. They have probably decided to call me themselves (rather than asking a family member to do it for them), they have started thinking about who they will choose to make decisions for their health, and who will help them with finances if the become unable. They may have had a family meeting to make decisions and they have called their attorney to make an appointment.
Action. In this stage people are actually taking the steps to make the changes. Not only have they met with an attorney about getting their estate plan in place, but they have made the decisions about the plan and have retained the attorney to do the work for them. They have continued to meet and talk with the attorney to finalize the plan, and they have signed the final documents.
For other changes this stage may look like: joining the gym and actually going, stepping into the yoga studio for the first time, attending a Weight Watchers meeting, or starting a quit-smoking program.
Maintenance. This is the stage where people continue their good habits. It could look like keeping up with budgeting, continuing with a weight loss program or maintaining sobriety. In terms of your estate plan, it might look like reviewing your plan every year just to make sure it reflects your current circumstances and wishes, and getting in touch with your attorney if you want to make changes.
I have been in various stages of change with different things in my life. I try to cut myself some slack when I’m in the “contemplation” stage since I know that preparation and action are probable right around the corner. And when that switch flips in your mind and you finally start moving forward, it’s a great feeling!
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